How to keep control of your emotions as the weather boils
As the UK issues its first ever red warning for extreme heat, experts have regularly warned of the physical risk to ourselves, our animals and, our properties, all brought about by this unusual burst of heat. But, the affects can be way more than physical. We also need to consider how extreme heat can affect us psychologically and emotionally.
When we watch sport events like the Tour de France, we regularly hear how the hot conditions become another burden to riders, and indeed one which can psychologically break them, as they seek to drive their bodies in this toughest of physical challenges.
For most people, however, we will not push ourselves that hard, but can still expect to be affected by the heat. You may have noticed it.
We literally can lose our "cool"
Perhaps we become less tolerant of others, and our patience will wear thinner more quickly. The heat is effectively acting like a stress blanket around us and its focussed on you personally. That can cause us to turn inwards, feeling sorry for ourselves and may stops us from being sympathetic to others.
That means we start to become more aware of perceived slights and grievances. It may be as simple as a person just not getting on with it at the cashpoint, and causing us to be delayed by seconds, but it can feel like a deliberate act of delay. It may be someone on public transport, who we feel takes up more room than they should, is louder than they should be, and we believe is less considerate of others. In normal circumstances all of these things may just bypass us, but now …
The heat magnifies the effect on us. We literally boil over. Instead of letting it wash over us we feel it emotionally and that stirs our chimp and right now they’re primed to respond in a way which is probably unhelpful.
The Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters
In his book The Chimp Paradox, Dr Steve Peters explains that there are two competing forces in your brain.
Our emotional side is our Chimp. It reacts five times faster than our logical thinking side doesn’t see in nuances and is programmed to keep you alive..
That’s good but it can work against you and if you allow it to respond inappropriately, it can get you into deep trouble.
The outcome of all that, is that as temperatures rise so too does the occurrence of physical assaults and violent crimes. People who in other circumstances may manage to control their outbursts, are overcome by them, and are unable to control the chimp response and so sadly, more violence ensues.
We can choose to be calm
So what can we do about it? That we are even thinking about it, is a great start. The fact that we are even considering this means that we are having an internal dialogue between our logical slower thinking selves and our faster thinking emotional chimps. Through that conversation we are explaining to our chimps they may feel more aggrieved but, that that is okay and they should ignore it.
We can also try to control our physical and environmental conditions. Think back to a time when an uncomfortable item of clothing has driven your mood and reactions.
Dressing appropriately for the weather, seeking rest during particularly hot times of day, taking on more fluid and refreshment then perhaps we are normally used to keep ourselves hydrated, all help us to remain in control of how we act.
There are other things that we can do, and try to adopt as consistent behaviours to help us to stay calm and safe during this heat wave. People often talk about pausing and taking a breath, and there will rarely be a more important time than right now for you to adopt this habit.
When something occurs which may cause you to flare up and activate your chimp into more aggressive behaviour, we need a technique to cause us to pause for just a few seconds. That’s easy to say, but remember willpower alone will not succeed all the time, our chimps can be very determined.
Each positive action needs a trigger
Each action like this needs a trigger to cause you to act, and the trigger must be your own and not something prescribed by others.
It may be that you pat yourself on the leg when you feel your frustrations rising. The physical act of tapping your leg will remind you to take in a couple of deep breaths and count to 10. More than that, it reminds your chimp that you have agreed with yourself that, however you act will be through your own choice after you have paused and taken stock, and that this ten second pause, these few breaths are an essential part of that process.
It may a different trigger, perhaps you habitualise pausing to clean your glasses to give yourself the space to breath. It doesn’t really matter what the trigger is, what matters is the action it triggers.
Whatever the trigger was you must cause yourself to slow down, to take that pause, and taking 3 to 4 steady and deep breaths, count to 10.
As you count develop your own positive statement, to re-focus yourself on why you want to remain calm. It may be something like,
“I choose who I am, I define how I act.”
A positive statement is one in which you’re telling yourself how you want to be, how you will act and will be seen. You are reframing your future acts into how you wish to be seen.
The challenge is that we need to make it a positive reframing. All too often we choose instead a potentially negative statement, perhaps something like,
“I don’t need to let this bother me, I don’t need to get angry.”
While that seems good, our minds don’t process negatives. Through a statement like this, our own chimp, who doesn’t see things in shades of grey or nuances, may take the point that getting bothered or getting angry is a seriously viable option, and the one that they should go full right now.
The positive statement removes that potential confusion and puts you back into your logical slower thinking forcing your chimp to calm down and telling yourself that you make the choices from here on in.
What's stopping you?
Just give it a try.
It’s hot and next time you’re shopping someone’s bound to bump into you. Next time you’re on the bus the tube or the train somebody’s bound to take up too much space or be too loud. It may be because you’re hot and tired but those statements made by somebody in the office or at work feel like they have more venom and meaning.
It doesn’t matter what the fuel for the fire is, right now you need to help yourself by developing your own skills and tools for staying calm.
