There’s great value in understanding others
There’s a great scene in the film The Last Samurai, when Katsumoto, played by Ken Watanabe, greets Tom Cruise’s character Nathan Algren for the first time. Short as it is, we see the importance to Katsumoto of properly greeting Algren. This is his first step in getting to understand him and his potential adversary. Katsumoto is practising what former FBI negotiator Chris Voss has termed Tactical Empathy (TE).
You may not have heard the phrase, Tactical Empathy, before but the skill it describes has been used by successful people in all walks of life for centuries. From bus drivers to world leaders, people have been using the skill of making others feel as though they are being listened to and understood, to be able to get on with their jobs and potentially gain an advantage.
The former US President Bill Clinton famously could focus his attention on individuals as he interacted across whole crowds and rooms to make them feel listened to and important. In Mad Men, Don Draper, played by Jon Hamm, leverages the understanding of people’s feelings and emotions to achieve success in his marketing.
What is Tactical Empathy?
TE describes the practice of understanding how other people feel to help you work with or to them. Critically understanding how people are and, where that feeling is coming from is done to give you advantage in how you communicate and interact with them.
By developing that understanding, it does not mean that you must agree with them. You may indeed have different beliefs but through the practice of working to understand them you gain the ability to communicate positively rather than by broadcasting solely your desired message.
Why should we be interested in it?
We should be interested in the practice of TE because it offers so much to how we are able to live our lives.
- It assists transactional meetings. Not every meeting we have will be for a long term purpose. Flight attendants, hospitality staff, and police officers, for example, will have many brush contacts with people every day where they need to quickly build favourable relationships and resolve issues.
- It has a calming effect. Rather than hammering a point of view and potentially building friction between people, TE works to calm emotions. It takes away the claim that “you’re not listening to me”, however it may be said.
- It builds relationships. These may not develop into full lasting empathic relationships, but TE does serve to build reciprocal trust between people as a way forward. As Chris Voss points out, that is crucial in something like a successful hostage negotiation, but also in resolving pay disputes.
- It motivates people to continue to communicate. Why would you bother to continue to spend energy talking to someone who is not listening? TE counters that barrier and in so doing helps potential adversaries to want to continue to communicate because the person they are talking to has bothered to understand them, even if it is clear they have differing agendas.
- In Street Safe Thinking, it allows for the deconfliction of problems, hopefully before they become significant.
What can you do?
Like all skills it needs commitment and practice but, here are three steps you can start with as you build your skills to better understand and interact with others.
- Look at yourself. What type of person are you to work with? Do you make time for others, or do you drive forward no matter what? Conduct an audit on yourself, ask colleagues and friends.
- Become an active listener. Focus on what people are saying. Avoid interrupting or focusing on what you will say when it is your time to speak, and give all your energy to listening. That includes watching. Does body language match the words? Listen so that you can build the jigsaw of what people are saying.
- Learn to mirror others. Initially in body language, but later in speech, learn how to mirror others. Through doing this you can help to build trust and openness through making them feel more comfortable. Take time to watch other and observe where body language across groups is incongruent.
To find out how Street Safe Thinking can help build your skills to understand others and reduce conflict please give us a call.
If you are interested in Chris Voss’s book:
Banner photo by Sushil Nash on Unsplash.
